As your child transitions into adolescence, you will see significant changes in their demeanor and behavior. Some of them might be frustrating as you are left wondering what happened to the little angel you were raising a few short years ago.
Teens pull away from their families and place more emphasis on their friends’ opinions. They are walking, talking hormone factories, and much of their thinking and behavior is governed by these fluctuations. Expect conflict while parenting a teen. Here are some ideas for handling it constructively:
Mediation
If you are tired of every interaction with your teen turning into a meltdown or screaming match, it might be time to consider some professional help from Interactive Counselling. The counselling Vernon parents have accessed through the organization has made a significant difference.
Therapists working with parents and teens are there to referee a conflict. They help everyone to listen to and understand each other’s points of view. This is essential for forging a solid relationship with your teen, who vacillates between childhood and adulthood and feels confused and upset. During mediation, a therapist teaches parents and teens how to deal constructively with any conflicts.
Channels of communication
Teens may become secretive as their journey through adolescence continues. This leaves many parents feeling shut out and worried that they do not know what is going on in their child’s life. When these parents try and find out, their teens are defensive and feel their privacy is being invaded.
Often, teens are reluctant to talk to their parents, feeling that they are too old to understand anything. Lay the groundwork for dispelling this myth by speaking openly about your adolescence. If your teen feels you are likely to understand their situation, they will feel more comfortable approaching you for help.
Family meetings
Weekly family meetings go a long way toward avoiding unnecessary conflict in the home. A few days before the meeting, put an agenda on the fridge and allow your teen to add any items they want to discuss. It makes them feel that their opinions and priorities matter.
Keep the meeting quite formal as your teen wants to be treated more like an adult than a child. Work through the agenda, which should include upcoming events, appointments, and activities. This is an ideal time to reinforce house rules about curfews and acceptable treatment of others.
Clear boundaries
Many parents make the mistake of moving boundaries with their teens. This leaves adolescents unsure of what is and is not acceptable and will lead them to push your boundaries in the future. Maintaining boundaries is not easy as sometimes it is easier to say yes than it is to explain why the answer is no.
While flexibility around some rules is not a bad thing, you should have rules that are deal-breakers. For example, if you are not prepared to accept your teen swearing at you, it should never be tolerated. If you let it slide once, it will get worse.
Consequence management
Teens struggle to understand the long-term ramifications of their actions. Therefore, some adolescents make poor choices that have serious implications. Teens who understand consequence management from the get-go are more likely to think twice before behaving irresponsibly.
Most parents use consequence management but do not frame it correctly. Therefore, instead of telling your teen that you are confiscating their phone because they were rude, tell them that they chose to have their phone confiscated for being rude.
The two statements are subtly different, but the one reflects you as the parent reacting to your teen’s behavior while the other forces your teen to take responsibility for their actions.